I stood at the most painful point straining for stability.
Broken shells crunched under my tender feet, waves broke at my waist beating me up and sometimes knocking me over with their unexpected force; the sun shone brightly blinding me.
This was miserable. I felt beat up.
I was on a solo retreat for my birthday and trying to enjoy everything the ocean could offer as well as doing some introspection and prayer, but this was the worst.
I took a look back over my shoulder at the shaded beach chair — safe, cozy, and dry with a good book waiting for me.
I could retreat. I could. I could exit the water and find a safe hideaway to sit and finish my book. That’s not always the wrong choice… but it’s not always the best choice either.
Sometimes we romanticize what was when the current experience is not what we hoped it would be. My beach chair seemed a lot more comfortable, a lot drier, and a lot more shaded than it was in reality when viewed from my sun-blinded-broken-shell-wave-battered perspective than it did when I was actually sitting in said chair. In fact, I’d gotten up from my beach chair to enter the water because I was too hot, sandy, and tired of sitting in the same spot. But none of that seemed to be top of mind at this precise moment. Sometimes we choose a known imperfection over an unknown adventure. In fact, our nervous systems are designed for this in a lot of ways.
But as I stood in the ocean feeling the pull of the undertow, the tension, my recent life motto came to mind, “The only way forward is through.” There is no shortcut in healing, growth, or doing the hard thing in life.
I chose to go further up and further in. So, I pushed through — counterintuitively moving into deeper waters and getting past the shells and the breakers and the hurtful parts of the beach until I found the lovely rolling wave zone, filled with cool water, and undulations that welcomed and relaxed instead of injured.
In this instance, the solution was to go further in, to push in more rather than retreating. And that felt like a sermon illustration in so many ways. I’ve coached myself in many ways recently and perhaps some of these examples will hit for you as well.
When safe relationships are challenging, push in, ask questions, be curious, and remind yourself that you are enough.
When health is complicated, push in, ask questions, seek support, keep fighting, don’t give up. And know that your body is incredible, even when it needs some maintenance.
When work is kicking your tail, push in, don’t stay in the hard, painful zone, find the cool water and feeling of success somewhere among the mountain of tasks assigned to you. You’re doing a good job. You are still there because you care.
We’re not stuck — even though sometimes it feels that way. Our choices matter. Be brave. Be bold. Go further up and further in. The water is great here!
