I have no age.
My driver’s license boasts a birthdate, but my life experience varies widely.
This discussion has little to do with what I see when I look in the mirror, but more about the age I feel in my heart. In the past two months, I’ve had experiences that have made me feel decades different. I got braces (making me feel like an adolescent), complete with shielding my smile and being aware of my jaw in novel ways. I’ve also fallen in the shower, (necessitating the purchase of a shower chair for safety!) making my balance feel less reliable and me feel far older than I am.
I have no age. Or at least, not a consistent one.
When I ask children how old I am it has ranged from 6 to 100. And I feel that gap in my heart too. I like to play and joke around and tell stories and be silly. I enjoy spending time with my little friends and entering their make-believe worlds. I wear costumes, including an inflatable T Rex for Halloween this year. I put flowers in my hair and like twirly skirts. One of my favorite hashtags is #DoctoralStudentPlayTime. I’ve been reminded of the importance of play as life has become more demanding with work and school and I have been up to the challenge. Because I am young-hearted.
And at the same time there is weightiness in my heart and an age in my thoughts. I dwell on philosophical queries throughout the day. I am intensely introspective and see beyond the surface of thoughts, actions, and words. I seek purpose in everything in life. I love words, wisdom, proverbs, and ideas and would much rather talk about real things, even when they are painful, than remain in surface pleasantries.
And even though these competing sides make me feel like I don’t fit in, I am so thankful for both sides. I am thankful that I can play and be goofy and cut loose and not take myself too seriously. And I am thankful that I can push deeper and take emotions, circumstances, relationships, and life seriously, recognizing the value and weight they each possess.
I feel like an anomaly. But I wouldn’t change it either. I want to be proud of my chronological age, and my ever-changing felt-age. I’m striving to own my peculiarities in this area and be proud of both my braces and my shower chair! I want to be proud of the knowledge and wisdom I’ve gained over the years, and also proud of the inner child that I’ve managed to let thrive. As I’m often reminded, life is about balance. Youth and maturity are both valuable, they each have their different strengths. How lucky we are to experience both.
Who wants to join me in dressing up followed by an in-depth discussion of Socrates’ writings?
Age does not depend upon years, but upon temperament and health.
Some men are born old, and some never grow up.
3 comments / Add your comment below
I love all your young and old parts and glad to be your friend!
I’m curious about how you managed to fall in the shower and if you now really use that shower chair? Do you also have a hand held shower attachment? How OT of you! 🤣
Yup…. hand held shower and shower chair. How very adaptive of me!
I absolutely love that you have both a playful quirky side and a thoughtful serious side. Age is just a number! My birth certificate may say I am 84 years old but in my heart I am just a wiser version of my 25 year old self. At least I hope I am wiser! But we should never be afraid to take on new adventures (even seminary if that’s where God calls you when the other students could be your great grandkids!) or walking on a glacier, or riding a dolphin. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed for the glory of God. So wear those costumes and make me laugh at the video of you trying to manage the stairs, and love those precious babies and know you are precious and incredibly loved!