This has probably been around for some time, but it is new to me. And it descended like a bomb! I’m at the age now where I thought I’d have my life together and know who I was and where I was heading. When I think of my fifteen year old self projecting into the future, my life is nowhere close to what I’d planned (or schemed!). Playfully, I’m not married to JC from *Nsync. Truthfully, I’m not married. Playfully, I’m not a Nobel prize winning scientist. Truthfully, I have hard days at work and wonder if many of my patients really want my help.
I feel so much differently than I thought I would.
Here is an excerpt from a journal entry I made just a few days ago:
“I want to feel confident and beautiful in my own skin. I want to feel content and hopeful in the future. I want to feel that someone gets it — and gets me. I feel lost in the waiting. Waiting for the perfect life situation. Waiting to be pursued. Waiting on a family. Waiting for life to really begin.
But my life has begun. Life is here and now. It does not start with job titles or vows or pregnancy. Nor do those things “fix” the waiting. My life is full, truly, not what I’d planned, but more wild and precious because of that.
My life is wild. My life is precious. What do I plan to do with my one wild and precious life? Yes, Mary Oliver, what indeed.”
What are you waiting on? What do you want your life to look like?