Browsing "Doctorate"
Sep 27, 2017 - Doctorate, My Story    1 Comment

My Three-Year Pregnancy

Before you ask, I am not really pregnant.

But I feel pregnant.

I am in my second year of a three-year doctoral program and I’ve begun to think of each year like a trimester. Perhaps this is just because I’m surrounded by little ones all day long, but the analogy works in my mind! Each trimester brings with it joys and pitfalls. Each with new challenges and changes. Here’s what I mean:

First Trimester: I read the books before hand. I planned to enter into this “pregnancy.” I felt prepared. But I wasn’t. My body underwent changes. I stopped sleeping. I had strange cravings. Morning sickness, projects, and anxiety abounds as the future feels daunting. How can I make it to the end? This is not what I expected it would be like.

Second Trimester: Currently, I’m in the second trimester, I have worked through the morning sickness, am comfortable with the idea of this pregnancy/program, and able to make plans to meet this little one. I’ve hit a good stride and the second trimester is magic. I’m far enough into the pregnancy to feel familiar with my new routines, but not so large that I am physically uncomfortable. I’m planning for the future, picking out nursery colors, and watching as my baby and project begin to take shape.
Third Trimester: The third trimester/year will arrive soon enough, and I’ll be more than ready to birth this doctoral project and get this kid out of me so I can sleep again! I am sure I will have “senioritis” and the need to feel finished with this program in the coming months and years and will need encouragement to finish with grit and grace. I will be anxious for the “post-natal” phase of life to begin.
Even as I write this, I know that the post-natal/post-graduation phase of life will bring with it new challenges, joys, pitfalls, and changes. Life seems to be in a constant state of transition. Always seemingly just out of the reach of stability. But that doesn’t make it bad. My dad has reminded me ever since I can remember that each phase of life has its joys and drawbacks. None is inherently better than the other and I can learn from all of them.
Learn from the struggles. Accentuate the good. And keep living the adventure of life.
I’m trying to take his advice. So I continue to eat healthy, sleep when I can, exercise, go to the doctor and care for this little bundle of doctoral joy that I’m currently maturing during my three-year pregnancy.
Moms, what did I miss in my trimester analogy?
Jun 23, 2017 - Doctorate, Humor    1 Comment

Adding Playtime

Life is busy.

That may be the biggest understatement of the year for you, just as it is for me.

My friend recently told that I was effectively leading three lives, which she labeled as: full-time student, full-time therapist, and everything else (church, friends, sleep, downtime).

I have tried very purposefully to balance and keep the three lives moving in unison. But without constant vigilance, the first two lives balloon out and eclipse the third. I will not allow my school projects to usurp self-care time. I will work fervently when I am at work, and I will rest fiercely when I am away.

I’ve started adding time that I call Doctoral Student Playtime. I need it. My days are directed by infants’ schedules and productivity demands. My evenings are swallowed in research articles and APA citations. There has to be a third space to keep me sane.

I’ve fit lots of options into this third space: Disney, dinner with a friend, sitting outside and watching the birds at my bird feeder (Yes, I am an old lady). I’ve added another category: Play. Do the unexpected. Be ridiculous. Laugh at yourself.

I read a book recently, aptly called Play, which argued for the importance of play in childhood. As a therapist, I know this. Play is a child’s primary occupation. It is the principle method utilized to learn about oneself and the world. But the book argued that playtime was also crucial for adults. We need a balance in life. We will quickly run out of steam if work, productivity, achievement, accomplishment, and efficiency is our driving force.

Levity matters. Playfulness strengthens. Laughter heals.

It doesn’t take long. The more ridiculous, the better in my opinion. Five minutes of laughter can fill my tank after five hours of paper writing. So I’m committed to making time to play. I invite you to join me!

Feb 28, 2017 - Doctorate    1 Comment

The Quit-o-Meter

I work full-time and am in school full-time. There is little time for fun or play. And because of this my Quit-o-Meter is high!

I need people I can call and ask them to remind me why I’ve done this to myself! Why did I seek to get a doctorate? Why did I sign up for that committee at work? Why did I agree to that service opportunity?

I like to think that I can balance my life by subtracting things I don’t want to do, but in this season of my life that’s not possible. I cannot say, “I think it would be better for my health not to write that term paper, Professor.” Likewise, I cannot say to my boss, “I just don’t feel like working today. Can I just sit here instead?” I cannot subtract tasks from my life easily right now.

So my option is to add.

Add goodness. Add people. Add fun and well-mannered frivolity!

My Quit-o-Meter is sometimes high and my schedule is tighter than it has ever been. But somehow adding more is the right answer because it changes the relative enjoyment of life. So I’m adding massage appointments, and dinner dates with friends, and reading a book for fun. Sometimes these are done in fifteen minute increments because I still do have twenty page papers to write, but these additions are helping to lower my Quit-o-Meter and make me feel more balanced.

How do you achieve a feeling of life/work/school/family balance in life?

Semester One Recap

I have one semester of my doctorate under my belt.

Holy frijoles. What a semester!

doctorate, school, day one

I now know anything anyone could care to know about Florida House Bill 943 and can articulate a growth theory which likens our lives to a river blocked with rocks and aided by driftwood. I am a more knowledgable clinician now.

But what do I give up to do this?

I give up home cooking and instead I throw together meals and wraps last minute. I give up watching shows or keeping up with current events. I give up flexibility and spontaneity.

And what do I gain? Knowledge. Goals. Excitement about future possibilities.

I made a pact with myself to keep school in its corner and not let it expand and take over my world. I made a decision to be the World’s Okayest Student. I wanted to do mediocre work! And if you know me, you know that I am a perfectionist especially when it comes to school!

okayest student cup doctorate

 

I believe school is important and hard work will help my patients and possible students in the future, but I’m not willing to give up relationships and ministry to do it. I want to strive for more and be content with where I am. In the wise words of Cool Runnings, “If you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.” That includes doctorates, and relationships, and houses, and children, and jobs, and bank accounts, and awards. If you are in need of this reminder, as I am: You are enough. Just as you are.

Balance and adventure. Determination and relaxation. Mediocrity and ambition. These pairs of juxtaposing ideas have circled in my head throughout the entire year. But in the midst of all of it, I am enough.

I can work out of my worth instead of working for it.

In this knowledge, bring on next semester!

 

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